Light Bulb Moments

It's been a long time since I have felt the desire to write or share any aspect of my life with anyone, but there have been times when I know that I needed to.  A lot has changed in the past year for me, some things I haven't dealt with very well, and it has been hard to move forward.  I have felt for so long like I was just wandering in the wilderness of life.  Not sure what to do, how to feel, how to cope, abandoned by many, when in reality, it was really me who was pushing myself away from people.  I have realized that I had to make changes.... changes that I dragged my feet about, but know that in order to have the life I want, I needed to make them! Last year was so discouraging for me, in so many ways, and I have realized alot of things the past few weeks that I need to work on, that in their own ways have held me back. NO MORE!!!! As Dad would say “I'm turning over a new leaf!” No more standing in my own way, or fighting what is, but instead accept what is, and move forward anyway!

The Loss of Grandma and Boppa last year;  It was devastating for me, and I know that everyone in my family took it hard and dealt with it in their own way, but in a sense, I never really had time to grieve the loss of either of them. When Boppa died we were in the middle of trying to pack and move across the country, and I was wrapping things up at work, and dealing with all of that as well. And when Grandma died it was such a shock, and such a busy time with coming back after her funeral, and then starting work at OCC, that I never took time to let the grief take over. It finally did.... or has! I miss them so much!  I always will! It's funny, but little things in my day remind me of them... something Dad will say, or a hymn in church (when I can hear Boppa singing it in my ear) ... I want to remember them, and be thankful for the times that I did have with them, and know that I will see them again, when God sees fit! Until then, I know that I have two angels cheering me on in heaven, and that is an amazing blessing! I was truly blessed with amazing grandparents who taught me and gave me so much!  They have left an amazing legacy to our family! 

Moving Here to Kimberley; It has not been an easy move or adjustment for me at all. It's hard going from a town the size of Brockville, to here. It feels so remote and cut off from everything. I hated it here from the moment I got here, and made a point to let my parents know it every chance I got. I never approved of this decision. And I felt like they had dragged me here kicking and screaming. I have now been here for 8 months, I think... and I know that it is a small town, but it is a slice of heaven when I go outside and see the mountains, or the deer walking through my yard daily. I never had that in Brockville! Sure there are things that I still miss about being there, but I have to let that go, and know that this is now my home. The people in the church are welcoming and encouraging, supportive of me and love me for who I am. Never short on hugs in this church!  I pray that I will find my place here, that I can carve a life for myself here somehow. God brought me here for a reason, and I know that. Now to be on the lookout for the Why.

Spiritually Dead/Frustrated: Last year being such a tough year, I really lost my faith in God and his direction for my life. Why in the world would He bring me here? Why would He let both my grandparents die? Why wouldn't He let me get a job? I was angry, and resentful, and just didn't care anymore! I lost faith in everything, I lost hope, I lost peace.... Let's put this into perspective.... This past year was harder spiritually than when I left Brian!!! That seemed so much easier than this past year to handle! I had more faith in God and in myself back then, than I do now. I have prayed, but it felt like nothing was being heard or listened to, I felt more alone than I had in soooo long.  "God, where are you?!" I would cry.  Nothing in my life was working out, or going as I planned.... Duhhh Amanda, that's why! God wasn't in your plans at all!!!  I have made a goal for myself, spend less time online with Facebook, and other things, and spend more time getting to know who God is, and having a relationship with Him! I was trying to find joy in everything else, but nothing made me happy.... because God needs to be my source of JOY!

Here is hoping that this year brings more JOY, and happiness my way than last year! 

Message of the Flower

I found a little flower outside today in our garden, at the end of November! It had overcome the snow, the frost, and was still alive and blooming in the midst of all that was going on around it!

As I look at that flower, it teaches me alot.

* It teaches me that no matter the storms that are going on around me, I can choose to "bloom".

* It teaches me that if God can take care of a simple flower in the snow and frost, how much more will He take care of me?

* It teaches me that God will give me strength to grow, even when things are working against me.

* It teaches me that with a positive attitude, I can do anything!

* It teaches me that miracles happen everyday, if we just pay attention!

* It teaches me that sometimes we have to fight for what we want, and the end result is worth it!
* It teaches me that life doesn't stop just because the weather of life changes.

* It teaches me that I need to LIVE LIFE, not just EXIST in this world.

* It teaches me that God is still in control, even when things around seem out of control.

* It teaches me that I need to stop and appreciate the little things, the simple things in life.

* It teaches me to have more HOPE & FAITH!

If you found a flower growing in the middle of the snow, cold or harsh climates, what would it teach you

Miss the Mark

I've been reading a very interesting, and funny book the past few days,called  'Evolving in Monkey Town' by Rachel Held Evans . I had never heard of her until I read her blog entry called "Blessed are the Uncool" which was posted on facebook for awhile, by many christian friends.  Her writing is funny, yet also honest, gutsy, and real...

In her book, she writes something, one of the many things, that I thought was very interesting: "Strange now the fact that before I lost my first tooth, or learned to ride a bike, or graduated from kindergarden, I committed my life to a man who asked his followers to love their enemies, give without expecting anything in return, and to face public exectuation if neccessary.  It is perhaps an unfair thing to ask of a child, but few who decide to follow Jesus know from the beginning what they're getting themselves into." 

How true a statement that is!  Did any of us really consider such things before accepting Christ?  But more importantly how good are we as Christians at doing these things now?  What would you do if you were called to litterally give your life for Him?  Would we have the reaction of Stephen in Acts 7, praying for those that were stoning him?  Are we good at loving those who persecute us, or people who tease us because of our faith? Are we joyful, even when bad things happen? Are we able to forgive those who hurt us?  Are we able to give up what WE want, our earthly desires, for what HE wants? 

God knows that we are human, we have shortcomings, and although our intentions are good, or start out that way... sometimes, alot of times, if we're honest, we fall short, and miss the mark, of doing and being all that God wants us to be. But sometimes He uses those shortcomings to teach us to be better, to be stronger, to be wiser, to more loving, to be more gracious, to be more faithful...but we need to be open to Him, and be willing to be taught by the Master, the One who created us for His good, His purpose, and His plan.

Blessed By New England

It's been quite awhile since I have done any writing here, and for some reason, just felt like I had nothing of importance to say yet - maybe I still don't, but I'm going to write anyway.  You can choose now, to continue reading this, or "x" out of it.  I won't be offended.  Haha!!!

It's hard to believe that summer is over, and Fall is upon us already!  Where does the time go??  I think I missed summer, or at least it passed way too fast!  It was nice to have time with family this summer, my siblings, their spouses, and my nieces, Sasha and Gracie, and nephew Malcolm all made trips out here over the course of the summer, and it was nice to get Auntie Manda cuddle time with them all. 

September... my favorite month!  Not just because it is my birthday month, but also because, for the past 3 years now, I have gone to New England for a week.  I guess you could say it's like my birthday present to myself every year. Why New England of all places??  For some reason, it's like going home for me. It's familiar, comfortable, relaxing!  This year was different, a good different!  You know how sometimes you just need to spend time with, and be blessed by other people, and other surroundings, and you don't even know it?  That's what I needed, and that's what I got!

From walking by the ocean with my dear friend, listening to the ocean crashing on the rocks,

Seeing the boats in the harbor,

Rye, New Hampshire

Seeing a butterfly enjoying the flowers,

 Watching a bunny enjoying an afternoon snack,

Enjoying a stroll through Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Tugboats in Portsmouth, New Hampshire

A walk in the woods (one of my favorite things to do!)

Seeing friends that I haven't seen in awhile, catching up, and being blessed by them!  Enjoying times of laughter, and sharing life with each other over lunch, or a walk, or just chilling out together.

Myself and dear friend Kait Stratton

Those are some of the things that make trips like that so worth it! I could never put it all into words, all that I did, and the conversations that encouraged me, the laughter, etc.  Every year though, it makes it hard to leave all that behind, and come back home, leaving that part of "home" behind.  I read a quote the other day, that pretty much sums up my times in New England... and it said this - "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard!" 









Uncertainty or Faith?

**Writers Note:  I wrote this awhile ago, but thought I'd post it here.**

How many times in our lives have we had to have faith because we had no certainty as to how things would work out? Alot, right? But how many of those times did you put faith in something or someone else other then God?

I've been doing ALOT of reading...bad habit of mine it seems. I wasn't sure what I wanted to read, so I just picked something. It was the book of Hebrews, didn't think much of it. And I started reading...and evenutally got to Hebrews 11, also known as "The Faith Chapter". There is a verse in that chapter that has always struck me...verse 8 "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." I have always loved that verse. And I can't help but think...Didn't Abraham freak out and go "No way God! I'm not going anywhere, especially when I don't know how long it will take! How am  supposed to get there?  Where am I supposed to live? Hw do I provide for my family, etc? Are You NUTS?!?!?!" But there wasn't any of that, God said "go!" and he went! Abraham walked through the door of uncertainty that God opened, stepped out of his comfort zone, and did what he was told...no questions asked! He allowed God to lead him wherever it was He wanted him to go, he had faith that God would provide for him, whatever he faced!

WOW!!! Am I strong enough to do that? Do I have that kind of faith? When I'm faced with a choice like that, am I able, or willing, to just drop things and go? I am the kind of person, and I know alot of other people are too, that like to know where we're going, what the end result will be for things...I constantly question myself and say "Am I really doing what I should be?" "Am I sure this is where God wants me to go and what He wants me to do?" "What if it doesn't work?" What if I'm not hearing this right and I take it and it bombs, then what?" "What if I'm not the right person for this?" Any of these sound familiar? But you know what...in the end, it doesn't matter if you bomb or if you succeed, the point is that you listened, obeyed, went, and tried, and in that, God sees your faith.  He's pleased, and uses that time, whether success or failure, to make you a better, stronger person! If He opens a door for you, and you have the courage to take that step of faith, He's not going to just leave you to do it on your own. God will always provide you with the means to do it! Whether it be food, money, a job, a place to live, whatever it may be. I've seen it over and over in my own life. God's told me to do something, and I don't have the finances to do it, or have no idea where I'll live, and it never fails...God has always provided exactly what I needed, maybe not more then that, but I've never been without!

Comfort zones are nice, but sometimes in them we forget that we could be capable of doing bigger and better things! God has had our lives planned before we were born!  He knows where we'll go, what we'll do, the mistakes and successes we'll have, and He knows how we'll finish this "life race".

 

The question is...do you have faith enough in all of that to step out of that comfort zone you're in and say "Ok God, here I am, take my hand, and my life and lead, even if I don't know where I'm going, You do!"?? Am I strong enough to say that?? I hope so!

The Power of One!

I have become a slacker in terms of writing anything here the past few months.  Not sure why, but I've recently been encouraged to get back to it after reading some of my friends blogs (Thanks Kait and Abi!).  I guess I needed some motivation?  Inspiration?  Encouragement?  Or maybe I just needed a good kick in the butt!  Haha! 

The last few weeks, I've had alot of things going on in my head, just haven't gotten around to writing it down.  I've been thinking alot about the power of one!  Do you ever feel like you are just another person in this crazy overpopulated world?  Do you ever think, "What significance, or contribution could I possibly bring to this world, that nobody else can?"  It's easy to feel that way sometimes.  I know I have felt like that alot over the years. 

I was reading this past week a book about Esther by Charles Swindoll, and it made me change my tune on how significant I am, not only to this world, but to God and His plans! 

He writes: "There is only one you.  You're the only one with your exact heritage, your precise series of events in the pilgrimage and sufferings of life that have brought you to this hour.  You're the only one with your personal convictions, your makeup, your skills, your appearance, your touch, your voice, your style, your surroundings, your sphere of influence - you're the only one." 

Wow!  I hadn't thought of that, or maybe it's just that in the crazyness of this life, we lose sight of those facts.  There are so many stories from history, and in the Bible, of single individuals who have made a difference (Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, DaVinci, John Calvin, Columbus). Think about it!  And as you read through the Bible, you read about how God chose individuals... (Moses, David, Joshua, Esther, Jonah, Mary, etc) to carry out His plans, and purposes, for His good!  God knew the gifts, talents and what each of them could do, even though at times, they themselves didn't see it!   How cool is that?!?!?!  I mean Moses wasn't a good speaker, yet God used him to bring the Israelites out of Egypt!

Don't underestimate yourself, and what you bring to this world!  God placed you here, at this point in time, for a purpose!  Have the courage to be who you are, and not conform to who others want, or expect you to be!  You should only be concerned with who GOD wants you to be, and who He created you to be! 

Heart for Japan

It's been a few days since the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan, but it is far from over!  They have had over 120 aftershocks, the last one at 7.6, which is no light little bump in itself!  The nuke plant being unstable, is not helping things either!  It seems like the news from there keeps getting worse and worse, and the death toll keeps climbing higher, and more places are found to have been wiped out completely! I watch and read, and sit here with a broken heart for the people of Japan.  To know that their lives that day, March 11th started out normally, and within minutes, everything was gone, including family members, homes, cars, all swept away, so fast!  You watch the videos on tv of big tanker ships, planes, cars, houses, all being tossed around, and floating away, nothing can stop it!  The fear, panic, chaos, horror, sadness, etc  that those people faced that day, and definately in the days, months and years to come...I don't think we could ever truly understand!

There so much that we in this country take for granted!  Do we really understand, or percieve just how fortunate we are to live where we do?  Are we grateful that nothing like this has ever happened to us?  What would you do, and how would you feel if you were the one in Japan who lost everything, a young child losing her parents, a parent losing their child?  Do we look the other way and say "well, it's over there, it has nothing to do with me.", or "Thats terrible for them in Japan, now who is winning the game."  It angers me and saddens me to see how insensitive some people are to the suffering of others in this world, simply because they don't know them, or they live on the other side of the world.  Who cares people!!!!  It doesn't matter where someone lives, whether you know them or not,  in the grand scheme of things, those people in Japan, they are just like you and me, human beings on this planet, trying to survive, now more then ever before, who need support, encouragement, prayers, and to know that someone cares!  Don't we all need that from time to time?  I know I have! 

Maybe my heart is overly sensitive to the people of Japan and what is going on there because of my personal loss with the Tsunami in Indonesia and the earthquake in Haiti.  I grieve for them, and with them. I pray for them and with them. What about you??  

"Father God, be with the country of Japan, with the people there, and around the world, searching for answers and loved ones. Let people come to You through this tragedy. Help them to rebuild, and come out stronger from all this. I pray that we, as Christians, would not have a deaf ear to the crys of your people there, or their suffering, but to do whatever we can, even if it is just to pray. Give us compassion! Give us your heart, and your love for those people! They are your children! Help us to remember that while we may be here in Canada, or the USA, or wherever we are, in our cozy homes and eating food on the table, with our loved ones around us, to stop and think of those in Japan who have suffered such loss that we can't even fathom! Give us humility in these times Lord, and remind us to be thankful for what we have, and not take it for granted.
 In Your Name Dear Jesus, Amen!"