I've kind of been MIA lately, really had nothing of any value to say. Sometimes I'm not sure if I ever really do. I just write what's on my heart at the moment, and maybe it can be of some use or humor to someone.
So what's been on my mind lately... WAY too much! I've kind of been looking through the past. Sometimes that's not such a great thing to do! The past should be just that.... the past, right? Hmmmm. I'm not so sure! The thing is that I've learned alot about who I actually am, things I've never really thought about or considered before, maybe I'm behind the times on this or something, or maybe slow to catch on. Here's some of them....
1) I'm a strong person, even if I don't really feel like I am! I always thought I was a pretty weak person, in alot of aspects! I guess it depends on what your definition of "strength" is, right? As I look over my entire life, I've had to had to fight, so many things worked against me from day 1! But it seems like every obstacle that I've overcome in life, has not only helped me be who I am, but given me a strong fighting spirit. So what about spiritually strong? I feel like I'm so far from strong in that area, like I miss the mark alot. There's alot of people that I look up to and respect who are so strong spiritually, they put my faith to shame! I guess that is something I have to continually work on to achieve, or at least not fall back from the progress I've made in this area of life. Easier said then done!
2) It's not completely my fault I'm Complicated! How many of you have been told "You're so complicated!"..probably most of us! The thing is that situations and experiences we've gone through in each of our lives make us more complicated then we really are. Take all the crazy crap out of our lives and we'd be pretty simple right? Sorry, life doesn't work that way! Trust me on this! Sometimes you can't help the situations or events from your past that have complicated your life, things happen, you have to deal. We all have crap in the closet of life, it's part of life...accept it, deal with it, and move on! If others can't handle your complicated self, then they have NO CLUE how complicated they really are themselves! Does that make any sense?
3) I'm gonna make mistakes, so sue me! I'm far from perfect! I know it, frankly I've made alot of mistakes! I know it's part of the growing process, and anyone who says to you "That was a dumb mistake!", just remember they've probably made a few of their own in their lifetime, and maybe ones even worse then that one they commented on you for! :-) Doesn't that make you feel better??
4) Trusting people isn't easy! This is a HUGE one for me! It seems like I was born with "Anti-trust". And why is it that when I finally feel like I can trust someone, 9 times out of 10, that person reminds me why I find it so hard to trust people to begin with? What's with people these days? Is it just me? Maybe I trust people too quickly and don't give it enough time before I share things, I don't know. But if that's the case what is a sufficient time frame before you can really trust someone?? Is there a book on this? Hmmm. This past year has really brought this issue to the forefront of my life lately. I've struggled with this my entire life.
5) Friendships are not always "peachy keen"! Ok, so I don't have alot of close friends, more like alot of aqaintances, and a handful of close friends. Whoever said that true friendships don't go through their rough times, that best friends don't fight and argue and are all "happy-go lucky" all the time....they're LYING!!! Friends, even your best and closest friends, are gonna hurt you every once in awhile, you're going to go through some hard times, some REALLY hard times, times where you lose touch, times where you just are so mad at the other person, times where you don't feel as close to them as you used to be, times when you move in different directions in life, but there are also so many good times and good things, that counter-act all that! Lord knows I've gone through alot of really difficult times with some of my close friends, and I thought we wouldn't make it through, but I never gave up on them or our friendship! I truly believe that when go through the tough times together, and can overcome those times, it makes you stronger friends in the end, and you really see what your friendship is made of! Those are the friends and friendships to hold onto!
Ok this could become a really long list of things I've learned, but I'll stop there for right now. Maybe take this up next time.
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